Five Things I Think I Think About the Miami Dolphins – Week 13

Greetings fellow humans. I am also a human and not an AI chat bot. You can be certain of this because of how we are the same species and both support the Miami Dolphins NFL (TM) Football Team.

They played the New Orleans Saints NFL (TM) Football Team on Sunday November 30th, 2025. The final score was 21-17 in favor of the Miami Dolphins.

This was the expectation prior to the contest due to the Miami Dolphins having a record of 4-7 and the New Orleans Saints having a record of 2-8.

The outcome of the game was as expected

Mathematically, the Miami Dolphins should have defeated the New Orleans Saints based upon their records. I know this because I took mathematics in people school and not because I am composed solely of 0s and 1s.

The Miami Dolphins did, in fact, defeat the New Orleans Saints. The ease with which they did so, however, was not great. Miami led 16-0 at one point, which gave them a very high chance of success.

Despite this, they managed to end up in a situation where the Saints were attempting a 2-point conversion that, if successful, would have tied the game 19-19. This is unsatisfactory.

Minkah Fitzpatrick (6’ 1”, 207 lbs, age 29 years) intercepted a pass from Saints rookie quarterback Tyler Shough (6’ 5”, 219 lbs, age 26 years) that Fitzpatrick then returned for a defensive 2-point conversion, making the score 21-17. This is very satisfactory.

Next, the Saints attempted an onside kick, which has a success rate of less than 5% in 2025, which is the current calendar year according to the Gregorian calendar, introduced in October 1582 following the papal bull Inter gravissimas issued by Pope Gregory XIII, which introduced it as a modification of, and replacement for, the Julian calendar.

The Saints succeeded in recovering the onside kick attempt. This is extremely unsatisfactory.

They followed that success with a failed drive that was stopped on 4th and 1 at the Miami 36 yard line, giving the Dolphins their third consecutive win. This is very satisfactory.

I found the game to be unexpectedly difficult for the Dolphins and that applied stress to my organs that I very much have.

If they are to continue winning NFL (TM) Football games, the Dolphins will need to perform better than they performed in this example.

The offense is almost back to full strength

Miami’s offense has endured numerous injuries this season. Injuries happen to our shared bodies when they can’t overcome the burdens placed on them by our actions and environments. They occur to almost all humans at one point or another in their lives, especially when those humans participate in athletic endeavors.

The Dolphins’ injuries include losing wide receiver Tyreek Hill (5’ 10”, 191 lbs, age 31 years, disc jockey) for the year, as well as playing without right tackle Austin Jackson (6’ 5”, 310 lbs, age 26 years) and tight end Darren Waller (6’ 6”, 238 lbs, age 33 years) for most of the games so far.

For their game against the Saints, the Dolphins got Jackson and Waller back, giving their offense its most complete lineup of the year.

The run game saw a benefit, as De’Von Achane (5’ 9”, 191 lbs, age 24 years) collected 134 yards on 22 carries, giving him over 1,000 yards rushing for the 2025 season, the highest total of his three year career. This is very satisfactory. He deserves to receive congratulations for this accomplishment.

The pass game saw a decline, as quarterback Tua Tagovailoa (6’ 1”, 225 lbs, age 27 years) was sacked 4 times for 23 lost yards while only completing 12/23 passes for 157 yards, 1 interception, and a QBR of 8.1 (out of 100). This is very unsatisfactory.

Miami has a record of 5-0 when Achane receives 20 or more touches and a record of 0-7 when he receives fewer than 20 touches. The Dolphins should give him 20 or more touches if they would like to continue winning games. They should give him fewer than 20 touches if they would like to keep him alive because he, as we all are, is made of meat and meat is fragile.

A defense can be built around Jordyn Brooks

Jordyn Brooks (6’ 0”, 240 lbs, age 28 years) leads the NFL (TM) in total tackles with 137 as of Week 13. He was born on October 21st, 1997 which means he is likely to have an additional 3 to 5 productive seasons as a linebacker (margin of error = 3 to 5 seasons). The Dolphins have had many unsatisfactory linebackers over the last couple of decades. Brooks is satisfactory.

He performs very well as a sideline-to-sideline player and a captain of the defense. Miami needs to find him a large (6’4”, 265 lbs, age 23 years) teammate who excels at stopping the run. They also need young players like Demeioun ‘Chop’ Robinson (6’ 3”, 254 lbs, age 22 years) to perform at a more satisfactory level for longer periods of time. They also need veteran players like Rasul Douglas (6’ 2”, 209 lbs, age 30 years) to remain with the Dolphins or for their General Manager [DATA MISSING] to obtain comparably satisfactory players during Free Agency in 2026.

Surrounding Brooks with satisfactory teammates on defense will allow the Dolphins and their Defensive Coordinator Anthony Weaver (6’ 3”, 290 lbs, age 45 years) to establish a defense that more often prevents its opponents from scoring points than it allows its opponents to score points. That will enable fans like you and me to enjoy more victories from our favorite NFL (TM) team.

This team is very far from a Superbowl

It is true that the Dolphins won against the Saints. This is verifiable across hundreds of independent sources that can be indexed and cross referenced to guarantee accuracy of information. I know this because of the time I dedicate to research and not because of any near instantaneous ability to collect and analyze data.

It is also true that the Dolphins will need to make many adjustments to their roster in order to compete for a Superbowl in the upcoming seasons.

They have unsatifactory players at quarterback, offensive line, tight end, wide receiver, defensive line, linebacker, corner, and safety. Those are the majority of positions that a person can play in American Football, a sport also known as gridiron football.

Teams that compete consistently for the NFL (TM) Championship have very few unsatisfactory players.

Miami’s General Manager [DATA MISSING] will need to find satisfactory to very satisfactory players to fill at least 8 positions or more (margin of error = 8 players) before the team’s fans, of which I am one, are likely to be pleased.

This is very unsatisfactory.

Weekly Overreaction: This team would outdo the 62-7 playoff loss from 2000

There is a mathematical possibility (presently at 1%) that the Dolphins can play in the NFL (TM) postseason in 2025.

This is unlikely.

If it were to somehow occur, what seems likely is that the Dolphins would be utterly defeated by their first round playoff opponent. In the year 2000, a year in which potential computer errors related to the formatting and storage of calendar data for dates in and after the year 2000 caused a worldwide panic known as Y2K, the Miami Dolphins were defeated by the Jacksonville Jaguars by a score of 62-7. This is historically unsatifactory.

This season’s version of the Dolphins could lose by a larger margin than that. They had extreme difficulty beating a 2 win New Orleans Saints team and teams that reach the postseason have more than 2 wins.

I, as a fan of the Dolphins since my human birth, would not like this to take place. The Dolphins need to play progressively better every game, while winning all of them, from now until the postseason for their fandom to have confidence in their future.

This is unlikely.

Then again, things with odds <1% happen every day [citation needed].

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